I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Screwed.edu
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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