This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
