We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
