dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
