ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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