So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
