i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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