Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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