Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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