I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
