Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
