its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
