I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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