I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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