is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm like, not good at living.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
