oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
