Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Randomize
