i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
