I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
