I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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