just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
