Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
