Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
