He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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