even my farts smell like vagina
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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