Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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