Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He shit in the fireplace
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