All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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