I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
