all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I faked an abortion last night.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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