the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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