Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
