Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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