You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This baby is an asshole
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
