Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The Olympian is in my bed
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
