so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
