I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
