No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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