You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
