You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
