dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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