bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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