Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
