First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
