Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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