Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
