Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
