i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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