i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
