mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My liver just had a heart attack.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Randomize
