They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
