I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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