i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
