Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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