May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I am naked and annoyed.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
