Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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